Things People Over 30 Just Shouldn’t Say

If you have to ask yourself “Can I pull this off?” or “Can I say still this?”, the answer is always a resounding “No.” Not only are these words not meant to be in your vocabulary, by the time you know them, they’re already retired.

Drop any of these into a conversation with kids and their facial expressions will confirm my hypothesis. Of course, once you have confirmation, it’s great fun to use these words with your kids, especially when their friends are around. The next time you have to pick up your teenage daughter from school early, have the office buzz her classroom: “Ms. Reynolds, please send Elizabeth down to the office. Her father is here to take her for her bedonkadonk reduction appointment with Doctor Bu-tay. Thank you.”

So here’s my list (and I expect it to grow with your input):

• Oh snap
• Adding –iz– or –shiz- to any syllable
• Celly
• Booty, Boo-tay, Bootylicious, Bootylectable, Bootrific
• Bling, Blingy, Bling Bling
• Cheddar
• Bedonkadonk
• (Unless it cradles a sleeping baby) Crib
• Shorty
• Props
• Boo
• Bangin’
• Blunt
• Grill
• Hatin’ or Hatin’ On
• No Diggity
• Wha Wha?
• I feel you
• I feel you, dog
• You feel me?
• Text speak: IDK, BFF, BRB, TTYL, LOL, NFW, WTF, OMG, STFU
• And unless you’re asking for bread in a Jewish deli, Holla and Hollah-back are off limits

And just because certain words were cool in your day doesn’t mean you have a license to use them with no expiration. I suggest retiring the following:

1950s – cooties (haven’t they found a cure?), hopped up (on reefer no doubt), "Think fast!", neato, necking, pop a wheelie

1960s – skuzz bucket, fink, fuzz, five-finger discount, far out, groovy, commie pinko

1970s – foxy (stone cold or otherwise), “Good night, John-boy”, party hardy, harshing my mellow, boob tube, “Smooth move, ex-lax”, “Breaker-breaker 1-9, you got your ears on?”, narc

1980s - tripindicular, grody (partially or to the max), heinous, radical, gnarly, tubular, bodacious

1990s – fly, homey, beotch, phat, whassup, po po, shwing or sha-wing, talk to the hand, whack

And finally, things that our grandparents shouldn’t say (ever):

“S’up, bitches?!” when addressing their bridge group

Yeah, I totally hit that (in 1948)

It’s been four hours and that little blue pill just won’t wear off. Where’s your grandmother?

Has anyone seen my teeth? I thought I left them soaking in the Efferdent, but it might have been the soup…

Aw it’s just a little snow. Let me drive.

Feel free to add to the fun. AMF!