Steve Kaplan's Comedy Intensive: An Hommage

STEVE KAPLAN: Photo used without permission; but it's a nice shot, so he should be OK with it.

Last week I flew to Los Angeles to attend Steve Kaplan's Comedy Intensive, a writing course all about comedy.

I live in Baltimore. Why would I fly to L.A. for a course offered in closer locations like New York and Chicago? Because I wanted the whole experience: Hollywood Boulevard, film studios, television studios, unbearable traffic, people prettier than me, and 65-degree temperatures when they're calling for snow back on the East Coast.

It was SO worth it! The trip was fantastic! And the course was beyond my expectations. I highly recommend this experience for anyone who is interested in writing film comedies, sit-coms, or just comic scenes. Yes, I called it an "experience". Not in the sense of today's IT software lingo or a Disney attraction, but it's more than a traditional lecture.

It was interactive, fantastic discussion, and what I needed more than anything: tons of examples of good comedy, and bad, through TV and film clips, script samples and writing exercises.

Steve is entertaining, approachable, engaging and, of course, funny. He's spent decades analyzing comedy, and his students are the beneficiaries of his wisdom. He's worked with everyone. Check out his bio here. It reads like a name-dropper found at every party, except this list is real.

There were about 50 people in my class: all friendly and none trying to be the funniest in the room. There were writers, directors, stand-ups, actors and producers - many hyphenates of at least two.

I didn't take this class to be funnier. I'm not going to get any funnier, just like I'm not going to get any taller. But my writing can be cleaner, and I can deliver better dialogue and scenes, and ultimately, better comedy.

Steve provides lots of analysis and insight, and you leave with a real understanding plus some tools to help you with your own writing.

I could offer all kinds of stories of my short week in LA, but this is my favorite. My girlfriend Barbara and I are good traveling companions. What I'm not good at are directions. I was born without an interior gyroscope or compass. To alleviate this, I brought my GPS ('cause I refuse to pay extra when renting a car).

We were on our way to see our friend George at his sister's restaurant, Mako, in Beverly Hills. He gave us the address. We punched it into the GPS and were on our way. Until the GPS died. My charger was broken. I was driving. Every time Barb tried to restart the GPS it just said "Low Battery" and shut itself off. I had punched the address into my Droid smart phone, but Barb wasn't familiar with it. And it was set to lock every 30 seconds to save power. I won't transcribe the actual dialogue here because I'm anything but cool under pressure. But it did inspire this hommage to Seinfeld, with me and Barb played by George and Elaine.

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INT. GEORGE'S CAR - DAY

GEORGE IS DRIVING. ELAINE IS NAVIGATING.

GEORGE

OK. We're on route 66. What's next?

ELAINE

Just keep going. I'll tell you when the next turn is coming up.

GEORGE

No. Tell me now so we won't miss it.

ELAINE

You can't handle that much information, George. We won't miss it.

GEORGE

Just tell me so we're both looking. What's the next turn?

ELAINE

Uh-oh.

GEORGE

Uh-oh? What uh-oh?

ELAINE

The GPS died.

GEORGE

Died? How could it die? It's brand new!

ELAINE

I don't know how it died. You said you paid forty dollars for it. You tell me.

GEORGE

It had a warranty! What's the next turn?

ELAINE

I don't know. La something.

GEORGE

La something? EVERYTHING here is La something. I asked you to tell me the next turn. See what happens?

ELAINE

How did I know your stupid GPS would die? Calm down, George.

GEORGE

Calm down? Calm down?

ELAINE

Calm down. Just pull into the next gas station.

GEORGE

And do what?

ELAINE

Ask for directions.

GEORGE

Ask for directions. Why does everyone always say "Stop at the gas station"? The only skills required to work at a gas station are to pump gas.

ELAINE

They have maps.

GEORGE

Maps. For $15.95. No thanks.

ELAINE

OK, ask for directions.

GEORGE

Have you ever seen an ad for a gas station attendant? It says you have to work a register and pump gas. It doesn't say pioneering skills are required.

ELAINE

You're hopeless. Pull over.

GEORGE

And do what?

ELAINE

Let me drive.

GEORGE

We didn't put you on the thing at the rental car place.

ELAINE

I won't tell anyone.

GEORGE

How will you find the restaurant?

ELAINE

I'll stop at the next gas station.

-----

OK, my script skills need some work. So don't let this example deter you from taking the class! And don't let it be a reflection of Barb. I'm the panicky, neurotic one. She's the calm, logical thinker. And she tells me the next turn well before it comes up.

And as far as the class went, we laughed our asses off for two days. I've been in 50-minute lectures that felt too long after five minutes. I wanted Steve's class to continue for another week. I wanted to continue to brainstorm new log lines, critique scripts, and collaborate with such engaging and creative minds all in one room.

I met a really cool guy named Rob who moved up from Connecticut seven weeks ago and was heading back to get the rest of his things. My friend Jeanne quit her day job to write full time. And after my short five-day trip, I really get it now when someone says, "If you want to work in television, you need to be here." I'm still high on the vibe I felt while there, and I started planning my own relocation before we left.

In all honesty, this trip was also a feeler for L.A. to see how much I might hate it. It was the opposite. I loved it! I visited with family. I met some fellow Script Chat compadres, and I regretted not hooking up with so many other Twitter friends in the area. My next trip will last longer.

I started reading a new book on the flight home, given to me by my friend Steve Kubiak, called Billion-Dollar Kiss and written by Jeffrey Stepakoff. It's all about Jeffrey's journey in television, as well as the evolution of television writing, and I couldn't put it down. I read half of it by the time we landed at BWI. I knew before we got home L.A. is really where I want to be.

I also fell in love with Amoeba Music - records and CDs as far as the eye could see, in a two-story shrine to my youth.

For those who can't afford to travel or pay for the course fee, don't despair. Steve's book is forthcoming (once he finds the right publisher), as well as a blog site.

And for those interested in television writing like I am, don't forget the fellowships offered by various studios each year. The next one up is the Nickelodeon Writing Fellowship. The submission period for your application and spec script of a half-hour comedic television show on prime time network or cable (no, it does not need to be kid-friendly) runs January 2 through February 28, 2011.

In the meantime, click here for Steve Kaplan's web site. And click here for the full course outline.

Highly recommended. Can't wait for the book! Back to writing!