Wednesday, November 21, 2007

eHarmony: Fetch me a Doppelgänger

It can’t be just me. In fact, I know it’s not just me because my friend pointed this out. Why do the successful matches on eHarmony commercials look more like siblings rather than couples? I immediately think of those people are their pets email chains. I believe their system of matching across 29 dimensions could be substituted with a quick cheek swab and a genetic database.

It appears when applicants fill out a questionnaire on what they’re looking for, it turns out to be themselves (in drag). OK, having things in common is great, but having everything in common? Hair color, chin shape, nose, location of their dimples? Their slogan should be “Why waste time transforming into your partner by aging gracefully – we’ll cut to the chase for you.”

The next time you see an eHarmony commercial, you’ll realize what I’m talking about. Or check out the success stories on their website (
). Those matching smiles are just disturbing!

If you get rejected by eHarmony be thankful. You may have saved yourself from two very embarrassing things: (1) Not telling the world “I’m a narcissistic, self-centered egomaniac who only finds happiness dating a live action mirror.” And (2) Not dating your cousin (or worse). Maybe an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt would actually be appropriate in this case.

(Postscript: At the risk of explaining the punchline, the title was not meant as a crass request like asking a butcher to pull a t-bone off the shelf - "fetch" is synonymous with doppelgänger, which is German for double-walker.)


Esmerelda said...


Happily Coupled said...

I have to politely disagree here. I met the love of my life on eHarmony. Until I tried this way of dating, which cuts to the chase, and cuts out a lot of heartache and pain (at least in my own experience), I was meeting all types, but no one who was even remotely close to anyone caring and possessing of the traits I hoped to find in a life partner. At 34 years old, with 15 years of heartbreak and some abusive relationships behind me, when I'd all but given up, I found Tim. We don't look alike, but we do share the traits that really make us a couple that seems made for one another.

Mike said...

Always nice to hear when someone has found their partner, "Happily Coupled", regardless of the methods. I also really appreciate polite dialogue. My humor is targetd at the couples eHarmony promotes in their advertising, not the people who use their service. I'm really glad it worked for you!SNL did a wonderful parody commercial called me-Harmony (