Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Answers to Rhetorical Questions

First, how do we know they’re rhetorical? Wow, did I just ask a rhetorical question about rhetorical questions?

I was bored so I decided it was high time someone answered these unanswerable questions. [Note to self: research clichés like “high time” in another blog.]

What is the meaning of life?
Oh, wait. It’s 42. Douglas Adams already answered that in Hitchhiker’s Guide?

[Yes, nerds, it’s actually the answer to the nonspecific Ultimate Question (life, the universe and everything), but allow me some leeway.]

What do you want from me?
Money or sex. Or both. Sure we could go into validation, respect, blah, blah, blah, but most of the time it’s cash or nookie. [Note to self: write a blog on bringing back outdated euphemisms.]

Should I stay or should I go?
Stay when you’re wanted, leave when you’re not. How hard was that?

What is love?
Unconditional and unquantifiable. Hey, I tried.

Why me, Lord?
You know why. Keep thinking…

How many times do I have to tell you…?
Apparently more.

Why are you so stupid?
That one’s just not fair. The inquisitor already knows the answer, so the rubber-glue reflection principle applies, making you, my friend, the stupid one. AKA takes one to know one.

What’s the point of going on?
Same as “What do you want from me?” Moola, action or both.

Are we there yet?
Well we’re in motion, so even if we were, we aren’t anymore. Stop hitting your sister.

There actually isn't any more to read but you can click if you don't believe me. What do you have to lose?

1 comment:

Sioux said...

Hysterical Mike! I just caught up on your Sassy Bean articles too, which also cracked me up