This particular blog will grow over time. I apologize if it's not funny to you. It's cathartic jotting down my pet peeves.
Using the wrong word
- Schizophrenic. Why does everyone use the word schizophrenic when they mean multiple personalities? Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizophrenic and so am I. Schizophrenia is “a psychotic disorder characterized by loss of contact with the environment.” It might even include hallucinations and delusions, but it’s not Sybil! (Who’s Sybil? Look it up.)
- Literally, Figuratively, Virtually and Ironically – misuse of all; would literally take too much time to list examples. Those of you who can appreciate this don’t need the countless examples. You have your own.
- Athleticism. I believe it’s a made-up word that means athletic display, but I swear Al Michaels used this word once on Monday Night Football when he was struggling for filler and it just slipped out. Now it’s part of every sportscaster’s lexicon. That and “brilliant display of grit, determination, heart, etc.” I Googled the word and found out Edith Wharton used the term in her novel The Age of Innocence published in 1920. So it’s not Al’s fault, but it still sounds made up to me.
- Irregardless. Regard means consideration. Regardless means without consideration. Irregardless means you’re a fricking moron.
- Preventative. It’s really preventive, like preventive maintenance. The reason it’s actually a word? Because Americans toss in extra syllables all the time so the word becomes a “variant”. On the other hand, argumentative is the word and argumentive is the variant (which no one uses). Sometimes I really hate the English language.
- Supposably. Supposably there’s no “b” in supposedly.
- Warshington. Supposably, there’s no “r” in Washington either. Actually, there are many words where people add r’s that don’t exist (perserverance, sherbert, prostrate when they mean prostate) and drop r’s that they shouldn’t (defibulator, Febuary, libary, vetinarian, and prostate when they mean prostrate).
- Heighth. As in, how tall? There’s length, width and heighth. No, it’s height. If you’re dyslexic than “heigth” is acceptable, as would be “aks”, like “Aks me about our specials.” Otherwise, you’re not a very good listener.
One-Trick Ponies (Words with one use– try to use them in another context)
- Striations. Grooves or scratches, used in forensics to match bullets to a gun. You hear it three times per CSI episode (any CSI). So how about: “I miss my old LPs but the striations would wear after time." Just doesn't work.
- Veritable. Only used with plethora, also a one-use-only word. “There is a veritable plethora of candy corn available at half price on November 1st.”
Words that simply annoy me
- McMansion. You can’t afford one of those either, so quit talking about them.
- [Insert Anything Here] Whisperer. The movie was The Horse Whisperer. People still replace Horse with something else and think it’s funny. It’s not. Perhaps you should consult an Idiot Whisperer.