Friday, January 04, 2008

Top 10 Mantiques

Matt Titus used a wonderful new term today on the CBS Early Show: “mantique”. It means an outdated appliance you'll find in someone's home (most likely your significant other's). So I had to throw together a quick Top 10:

Mike's Top 10 Mantiques
  • 19” RCA XL-100 TV – It’s the only appliance I know of that has a new model every year and never changed the version number! Guaranteed it’s a console if she needs your help moving

  • Corded Landline Telephone - But it is touchtone

  • Desktop Computer - Hopefully newer than a 486

  • Single-tray CD Player - No, it doesn’t read MP3s either

  • VCR – Hey, there’s an 18-hour Benny Hill marathon on – If I can find enough of your store-brand six-hour blank videotapes, I’ll record them at low quality and only have to swap them out three times (better set the alarm), then I get to play them back with a grainy picture on your RCA! Where's the Jiffy-Pop?!

  • Dial-up Modem - Yes, even if you have two 56Ks linked together. "Get off the computer, I'm on the phone!"

  • Non-programmable Thermostat - Cold? Slide the stick to the right. Hot? Slide the stick to the left. What temperature is it in here anyway? The plastic, mercury-filled weight bar says it’s between 60 dot and 70 dot

  • Long-distance Calling Card - First dial 1-800-888-8000, then enter your 16-digit calling card number and 6-digit pin; listen for the dial tone; dial the 10-digit number you are calling which you cannot recall because all phone numbers are stored in your cell phone, which is dead, and her e-Machine desktop doesn’t have a USB port to charge it!

  • Charcoal Grill - Honey, can you put the steaks on? Um, the coals need another gallon of high-octane, combustible fluid that I’ll pour while standing on your 4-foot apartment deck. Then only another 30 minutes until they’re gray and ashy – that means we’re ready to cook!

  • Map - Without a GPS and no broadband, she hands you a fold-out to find the wedding in upstate New York. She also has an Atlas, if it helps.
Matt Titus is a professional matchmaker and co-author of Why Hasn’t He Called? with his wife Tamsen Fadal, who will both be starring in the Lifetime reality series Matched in Manhattan, premiering tonight on Lifetime (

Mike Morucci is a blogger.

1 comment:

happilycoupled said...

I think I've forgotten what those unwieldly, hard-to-fold-back-once-you-unleash-them-especially-when-parked-on-the-side-of-a-massively-crowded-interstate-and-lost, archaic paper directions (maps) look like. I can definitely say that, as long as I have a choice, I will always faithfully use my GPS. It has saved my sanity many times.