Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Top 10 Top 10 Lists

Bloggers and news sites love top tens. It would take years to actually read all of the lists available after a simple Google search, so consider this a random, unranked list compiled on a Saturday.

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Baby Names
“Banjo” and “Wingspan” aren’t on the list (fictitious yuppie names from Baby Mama) but I’m sure they’ll appear on some birth certificates this year.

Dave Letterman’s Top Ten List Archive
Let’s face it; every list on a Top 10 could come from Dave’s staff over the years so I added their fab archive instead. It’s searchable by key word and date (from today back to 1993 when Late Night on NBC switched to the Late Show on CBS. I haven’t found NBC’s archive for 1982 to 1993 (sounds like a task for YouTube).

Top Ten Excuses for Being Late to Work
I searched and didn’t think the lists written so far were that funny, so I wrote this one today. Don’t try these at work.
  1. I could swear you said we could work from home starting today. Or was that a dream? You were also wearing bunny slippers and a Frankie Say Relax t-shirt.
  2. I had a choice: stop to help pull the orphans from the burning building or show up on time. OMG, you still look pissed. What kind of a monster are you?!
  3. Isn’t time just a relative thing in the grand scheme of life? Who appointed you the clock Nazi, anyway? I certainly didn’t get the announcement.
  4. I was so inspired by our company’s “Going Green” PR campaign that I took myself off the grid – it’s hard to power an alarm clock that way.
  5. I clicked my heels three times repeating “There’s no place like work” but it didn’t take.
  6. With no plans to move the office closer to my house, I decided to maintain a personal speed limit of 30 to save on fuel. Get up earlier? Apparently you don’t remember: I’m off the grid!
  7. I have no excuse. Sometimes, Joel, you just have to say WTF and make your move.
  8. I heard you were going to be in today, so I had to stop and get some valium first.
  9. I was feeling under the weather and wanted to come in, but had to check my symptoms on WebMD first; you know, to make sure I wasn’t contagious. My hunch was scurvy and I was right: I stopped for a Jamba Juice on the way in and I’m all better!
  10. I had to wait for you to leave first. By the way, you’re out of coffee.

The World's Top 10 Wine Soils
And I thought the adjectives that describe wine were pretentious enough. There is such a thing as too far, oenophiles.

Top 10 US WTF Sex Laws
Ah, morality legislation; just as effective as "judge not, lest ye be judged" has been for the judgmental. This one’s not for the kiddies.

The FBI’s Ten Most Wanted Fugitives
Not a joke list but it is the original top 10. No wonder we can't find him: it's "Usama"!

CNET’s Top 10 Downloads of the Past 10 Years
A top 10 based on info compiled over the past 10 years deserves my props.

Top 10 Blogs from Technorati
OK, it’s a top 100 blog list but page one is the top 10. Where’s mine? With an “authority of 5”, I think it may take a while. You can also get the Top 10 Blogs by Number of Fans – but I currently have 0 because I’m too modest to vote for myself, but not too humble to ask you to hook me up with a vote Vote for Do I Amuse You?!

The Top 10 Commandments
It’s still the original list, though it instantly triggers in my mind the classic scene from History of the World Part I when Moses brought three tablets down from Mount Sinai, announcing he held the 15 Commandments. Then, after dropping one of the tablets and watching it crumble to rubble, corrected himself… ”Oy! Ten! Ten Commandments.” And I’m definitely not questioning the Lord Almighty (though maybe the translators) because I wonder if the Commandments were written in the true order of precedence. Personally, I think # 6 (Thou shalt not kill) would have ranked higher.

The Top 10 Mantiques
Yes it’s my own, but it did land me a gig on Sassy Bean and I just didn’t feel like searching anymore!

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