Sunday, November 07, 2010

I'm With Stupid and I'm Alone

Let's face it. You can't have a horror movie without stupid people. Common sense tells one not to enter the household when the door jamb has been obviously crowbarred. If flicking the light switch has no effect and you're not in a thunderstorm, turn around and walk away. And do not go in the basement if you can see your own steaming breath, or if the kitchen has just hurled all of the cabinet contents straight at your head. Stupid sense says: grab a flashlight and investigate. Pajama bottoms and a ripped wifebeater will offer all the protection you need.

When your car breaks down, common sense says: call AAA and wait for a professional. Stupid sense says flip open the hood and check the belts and hoses. You will be able to diagnose and fix the problem yourself with a tire pressure gauge and some hand sanitizer. Besides, flares are for wussies. I'm pretty sure this type of thinking is why observation areas for a hospital's Operating Room are hermetically sealed and are not on the same floor. No one wants you rooting around an open chest cavity because you've watched three seasons of House on Blu-Ray.

Today, I've joined the ranks of stupid is as stupid does. It started out fairly harmless. I went outside to remove a vine that had taken over a large pine tree in the front yard. I grabbed a shovel and an empty trash can (tomorrow they pick up yard waste for recycling). But I forgot the gardening gloves, and didn't feel like going back inside. I was on a schedule. Not a real schedule; the kind you make up in your head when you get up in the morning.

The plant reminded me of milkweed, something I remembered as a kid, except this was 12-feet tall. And it had berries. But I proceeded on, cut it up with a shovel and my bare hands, and put it out for tomorrow's recycling. It's pictured above.

Stupid. I have no idea what this plant is. I could have looked for some gardening gloves, or looked up the plant online on my smartphone, but I was already in the front yard and that might have taken 120 seconds of my precious time.

Now, after searching the web for an hour, I have no idea what this plant is. Here's hoping it's not poisonous. Wait? I hear something in the basement, and the dogs are getting ancy. Better go check it out.


Anonymous said...

Rhubarb? Hmmm.. Perhaps more troubling, I think I have killed this plant, too~!

Barbara W. said...

Take time for gloves for the last random tree coming out the front of the huge pine..

Just think, no grass or tree maintenance at the beach house ; )

Mike said...

Anita! I learned from another reader it's Pokeweed. Poisonous if ingested or if the milk gets into your skin, but it takes a bunch. I didn't bathe in it, or eat it. :-) Thanks for commenting and RTing!

Mike said...

Barb, I'll take plenty of time taking out (or replanting) the random tree. I like the way you think! Our beach house will be maintenance-free!